至到今天
我才知道為何自己不對外開放心懷
明明已枯謝的愛情
我還抱著一份不肯放開的期待
面對著那已經凋謝的花兒
不停不停的施肥, 澆水, 疼愛
單相思的希望它會再次結出花苗
明明知道的
我是知道的
但
頑故的心始終放不下那段被迫韌斷的情感
自從遇到分叉路的那一天
我們開始各走各的
答應彼此不再回頭
不再想念
真後悔當時沒掉下眼淚
故作堅強
無能流出的淚水
現在變成了一個大大遺憾
像幽魂一樣的負在我的肉體上
慢慢的折騰, 虐待
至到今天
我終於明白
為何要苦苦的等待...
其實, 就只因為愛.
這個星期
無意間聽到了這首歌
這歌對我來說
是個在適合不過的催淚曲
只是想你聽聽看
想知道你聽後的感慨是否會跟我的一樣
最後
我想謝謝你
雖然我心口的這一刀不只何時痊癒
但是我想讓你知道
那天...
當我們在那分叉路口時...
不只有你在掉淚,
我的心也在滴血...
祝你永遠幸福
靜慧上
2007年11月23日 星期五
To give thanks.
首先, 祝你們感恩節快樂.
請記得感恩.
記得你們的父母
記得你們的外婆外公
記得你們的老師, 朋友, 現在, 過去, 和未來.
今年的感恩節沒比以往的特別
從小就沒有慶祝感恩節的習慣
其中的習俗我也一竅不通
火雞, 紅梅漿, 馬鈴薯... 私は知らない
當身邊的朋友們興奮得討論著彼此的感恩計畫
我只能乖乖的在旁邊聽著.
"我真希望媽不要把這次的聚餐給砸了"
"上次的火雞真的太硬了"
四個人的對話根本沒我的份.
"嘿, 你週末會回家嗎?"
美國的大學生幾乎都不跟父母一起住了
不是住在宿舍里, 就是和朋友同居, 一起租房子.
感恩節的時候都會回家和家人一起慶祝
大多都住離奧斯丁不到200英里的都市里
Houston, San Antonio, Dallas
要到那, 開車不到3 小時就能到的了
但我家在台北, 飛來回一次就要一千美金. 說實在的, 我沒那個錢.
而且光飛去台北就得在飛機上待20, 30 個小時
本不會暈機的, 最後也會被經驗給培養出來了
感恩節似乎對外國人有著深厚的意思
應該說, 是一個飲水思源, 請求原諒的季節
四天的好假期, 已經過了兩天了
也不知道我這兩天都做些了什麼
有的時候,
我想..
如果我是個外國人
有了不同於現在的生活,
不同的性格, 朋友, 過去, 未來
我也會跟現在一樣, 想著同樣的問題嗎?
...... おそらく
哈
請記得感恩.
記得你們的父母
記得你們的外婆外公
記得你們的老師, 朋友, 現在, 過去, 和未來.
今年的感恩節沒比以往的特別
從小就沒有慶祝感恩節的習慣
其中的習俗我也一竅不通
火雞, 紅梅漿, 馬鈴薯... 私は知らない
當身邊的朋友們興奮得討論著彼此的感恩計畫
我只能乖乖的在旁邊聽著.
"我真希望媽不要把這次的聚餐給砸了"
"上次的火雞真的太硬了"
四個人的對話根本沒我的份.
"嘿, 你週末會回家嗎?"
美國的大學生幾乎都不跟父母一起住了
不是住在宿舍里, 就是和朋友同居, 一起租房子.
感恩節的時候都會回家和家人一起慶祝
大多都住離奧斯丁不到200英里的都市里
Houston, San Antonio, Dallas
要到那, 開車不到3 小時就能到的了
但我家在台北, 飛來回一次就要一千美金. 說實在的, 我沒那個錢.
而且光飛去台北就得在飛機上待20, 30 個小時
本不會暈機的, 最後也會被經驗給培養出來了
感恩節似乎對外國人有著深厚的意思
應該說, 是一個飲水思源, 請求原諒的季節
四天的好假期, 已經過了兩天了
也不知道我這兩天都做些了什麼
有的時候,
我想..
如果我是個外國人
有了不同於現在的生活,
不同的性格, 朋友, 過去, 未來
我也會跟現在一樣, 想著同樣的問題嗎?
...... おそらく
哈
2007年11月20日 星期二
stepping out of the square bagel
i've been noticing alot these days
the insufficiency of my language skills
to paint out pictures I've seen and resolve them into pixels of words small enough to provide a vivid and high-def mental image even for myself.
so i guess it's time for me to find ways to suffice what i hope to suffice,
an enormous appetite for reservoirs,
reservoirs of expression methods.
maybe sketching, writing, singing.
maybe, just maybe.
there's so much more to work on,
the area of self-improvement in my context.
manners, appearance, shape, size, language, expression, socials.
so much more to work on.
keep on pushing myself will be the best way to go around this huge mountain of hurdles i've set for myself... i guess. Most probably, biting on is the only way to boost self-esteem. (:
sometimes i wonder if i'm too strict with myself,
just forcing my own head into tubs of water and hoping that i'll drown in stress without any pain.
suicidal in a sense maybe,
but i'm glad it's figurative.
today I've learnt something new about myself,
from HDF Child development as usual.
Adolescents have a tendency to believe in a possession of invincibility.
"If you can do it, so can I"
And oh yes, that is exactly the sentence that spin round and round in my head all night long.
invincible, you say, i'll rather describe that as shameless.
haha, an adolescent, aren't I?
I'm expected to behave that way. (:
I'll get myself started in search for sketching guides.
"Sketching for idiots".... Search.
Luck.
the insufficiency of my language skills
to paint out pictures I've seen and resolve them into pixels of words small enough to provide a vivid and high-def mental image even for myself.
so i guess it's time for me to find ways to suffice what i hope to suffice,
an enormous appetite for reservoirs,
reservoirs of expression methods.
maybe sketching, writing, singing.
maybe, just maybe.
there's so much more to work on,
the area of self-improvement in my context.
manners, appearance, shape, size, language, expression, socials.
so much more to work on.
keep on pushing myself will be the best way to go around this huge mountain of hurdles i've set for myself... i guess. Most probably, biting on is the only way to boost self-esteem. (:
sometimes i wonder if i'm too strict with myself,
just forcing my own head into tubs of water and hoping that i'll drown in stress without any pain.
suicidal in a sense maybe,
but i'm glad it's figurative.
today I've learnt something new about myself,
from HDF Child development as usual.
Adolescents have a tendency to believe in a possession of invincibility.
"If you can do it, so can I"
And oh yes, that is exactly the sentence that spin round and round in my head all night long.
invincible, you say, i'll rather describe that as shameless.
haha, an adolescent, aren't I?
I'm expected to behave that way. (:
I'll get myself started in search for sketching guides.
"Sketching for idiots".... Search.
Luck.
2007年11月17日 星期六
one more step forward
with the knowledge of equilibrium in mind,
knowing that someday,
everything will reach a state of equilibrium somehow
for both the good and the bad
Just a step forward, a minute one,
the path of equilibrium starts itself, with
an entire chain of subsequent ones that follow,
like black and white dominoes on the floor, up the stairs, down the hill and along with a pulley right there
you must have known...
the previous piece hits the next one,
the cycle continues regardless if the dominoes want it or not.
a blind metaphor used i know
but if dominoes have mental abilities like the higher vertebrates,
or in other words,
if it has the ability to become a life in the first place,
will it stop the cycle at its place?
like dominoes,
nature is blind,
and only has equilibrium in mind,
but equilibrium is all that it needs to uphold elegant masterpieces of balances
balances that keep the non-balanced alive
no matter where and in what state
but....
before news about the importance of this equilibrium could be found
from anywhere in or out of the present universe
the equilibrium has suffered from silent diseases that creep in on their tippy toes,
like cancer, colon cancer
or maybe Huntington's disease,
when you know it only when it signals nothing but the inevitable approach of terminal
and....
it has started,
with such a hard and heavy note,
to tumble in front of many eyes that see but not preceive,
to topple right on people at corners of the world oblivious to the heads
that look upwards to the only piece of blue sky above,
and to start the path mentioned just now,
the path to equilibrium that knocks off those surviving at the end of the chain, delicatedly deviced to adapt to the setup at initial balance
i mean...
when nature wants things to go,
i don't think it wants to turn back
it's mean and nice at the same time,
once supporting everything downstream
now taking bits and pieces away with its tail tracing behind smokes of fires and trucks of trees
maybe...
prayers will work
or emotional cries shall awaken someone,
superman?
batman?
any one who can save?
i don't know...
i'm all confused right now.
maybe the numbers aren't right,
maybe the copying machines have gone wrong,
or maybe the instruments went uncalibrated before research data is collected in massive amounts
i can curse and spit,
cry and return cursing again
but i don't know when it will be my turn dragged by that trailing tail of falling nature
i don't know...
if there's an emotion inside somewhere
that pushes everything aside
to wipe your mind and eyes
sharpen them for the most alerting news of the year
if there is,
please look
if there isn't,
i hope there's something that can make you look
look,
nature is falling
and it's falling on you.
i know it's going to hurt,
but i know there's nowhere to hide.
what are you going to do when there's nothing you can do?
from the initial setup that we have always been habituated to,
all it requires is one more step forward,
another step that can spark the igniting cannon.
and there it goes, like dominoes,
huntington's, or colon cancer.
now...
you lit it, didnt you?
i know i didn't, so it must be you!
no i didn't
no i didn't
no i didn't....
or did i?
knowing that someday,
everything will reach a state of equilibrium somehow
for both the good and the bad
Just a step forward, a minute one,
the path of equilibrium starts itself, with
an entire chain of subsequent ones that follow,
like black and white dominoes on the floor, up the stairs, down the hill and along with a pulley right there
you must have known...
the previous piece hits the next one,
the cycle continues regardless if the dominoes want it or not.
a blind metaphor used i know
but if dominoes have mental abilities like the higher vertebrates,
or in other words,
if it has the ability to become a life in the first place,
will it stop the cycle at its place?
like dominoes,
nature is blind,
and only has equilibrium in mind,
but equilibrium is all that it needs to uphold elegant masterpieces of balances
balances that keep the non-balanced alive
no matter where and in what state
but....
before news about the importance of this equilibrium could be found
from anywhere in or out of the present universe
the equilibrium has suffered from silent diseases that creep in on their tippy toes,
like cancer, colon cancer
or maybe Huntington's disease,
when you know it only when it signals nothing but the inevitable approach of terminal
and....
it has started,
with such a hard and heavy note,
to tumble in front of many eyes that see but not preceive,
to topple right on people at corners of the world oblivious to the heads
that look upwards to the only piece of blue sky above,
and to start the path mentioned just now,
the path to equilibrium that knocks off those surviving at the end of the chain, delicatedly deviced to adapt to the setup at initial balance
i mean...
when nature wants things to go,
i don't think it wants to turn back
it's mean and nice at the same time,
once supporting everything downstream
now taking bits and pieces away with its tail tracing behind smokes of fires and trucks of trees
maybe...
prayers will work
or emotional cries shall awaken someone,
superman?
batman?
any one who can save?
i don't know...
i'm all confused right now.
maybe the numbers aren't right,
maybe the copying machines have gone wrong,
or maybe the instruments went uncalibrated before research data is collected in massive amounts
i can curse and spit,
cry and return cursing again
but i don't know when it will be my turn dragged by that trailing tail of falling nature
i don't know...
if there's an emotion inside somewhere
that pushes everything aside
to wipe your mind and eyes
sharpen them for the most alerting news of the year
if there is,
please look
if there isn't,
i hope there's something that can make you look
look,
nature is falling
and it's falling on you.
i know it's going to hurt,
but i know there's nowhere to hide.
what are you going to do when there's nothing you can do?
from the initial setup that we have always been habituated to,
all it requires is one more step forward,
another step that can spark the igniting cannon.
and there it goes, like dominoes,
huntington's, or colon cancer.
now...
you lit it, didnt you?
i know i didn't, so it must be you!
no i didn't
no i didn't
no i didn't....
or did i?
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